joyce (joyce) wrote,

i was a big kid. i did my growing early - pictures from third grade clearly show me taller than almost everyone else. and i was heavy. this was handy for awhile - i could play tackle football with the guys, and kick ass, and i think that helped prevent me from getting picked on worse than i did (not that that's saying much) - but it lost being handy pretty quickly, and soon i was just a short, very round kid. dressed kind of funny, bad haircut, ugly glasses, and very, very overweight.

even after i lost a ton of weight my junior year in high school - i went from 215 to 130 in the space of a school year - i still hated my body. and the weight started creeping back on, as i got more sedentary in college, and my diet went to hell, and i just didn't care, because i hated my body. i never managed to actually like any part of it, even when other folks were trying very hard to tell me it was beautiful.

it's only been very very recently that i've been able to find myself attractive at all, and even that comes and goes. interestingly enough, it was when i finally was able to let go and say "okay, i actually like my body" (a very recent thing) that i was able to actually start doing something about making it better.

so, minor ego tripping: i like my eyes. they change colors, which is just nifty. i like my ass, because while it's big, it's also nice and solid. i like my calves; again, they're thick, but they're strong and useful. i like my smile when i remember to use to. i'm finally getting used to the idea that my hair is mine to deal with and that it's just hair, and will grow out if i do something to it i don't like. i'm finally starting to think that i have decent breasts (and the peanut gallery says, it's about damn time.)

do you like your body? are you comfortable in it? which parts do you like, and does that influence your desire to eat better, exercise, etc?

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